As I’m sitting here thinking about all of the things that Match-Mate does to connect 2 people from different parts of the globe, I sort of sat back and started asking myself how I really got to this point in my search for a spouse. If you think about it, all of the effort you have to put into researching ladies that you might be compatible with, then jumping on a plane to travel to Russia, battling language issues, the cold weather, cultural differences, second guessing, etc., etc., it seems quite crazy to think that this was a good idea in the first place. Honestly, this is a really good question. I’m not sure I have the answer. In the parlance of Alice in Wonderland, how did I get down this rabbit hole? I don’t know, but I’m going to see if I can lay it all out and try to fathom how I got here.
How did all of this start? Around 1998, after having a number of years of a difficult marriage, I found myself separated from my wife of almost 10 years and had begun the process of divorce. My divorce wouldn’t be finalized until 2000, mostly due to delays caused by my work related travel schedule. Hard to be in court when you are in the Northern Canada, a South American rainforest, or the African bush setting up machinery for customers. After moving into an apartment, I began the process of being a quasi-single guy. I started hanging out with some old friends from high school, hitting the bars and clubs, and occasionally going on an official date. But I really wasn’t getting anywhere with my life at that time. The bar scene isn’t my cup of tea and most of the dates were just carry-overs from the bar scene. Don’t get me wrong here, I was having some fun, but this wasn’t going to work for me long term. It began to feel as if getting a divorce was going to be a downgrade to what I expected from life.
One day in either 1999 or 2000, a buddy of mine showed me an actual paper “catalog” of profiles of ladies from Russia. At that time, I thought Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan, etc., were all just states of Russia like Montana is a state in the US, so to me “Russia” meant Soviet Union in my opinion (my how I was wrong). However, when I started looking thru that catalog, I realized that maybe there was another option that would lead me to the Promised Land. My buddy said that he had been receiving these catalogs for a couple of years; and so, like my friend, I contacted the company and began receiving their catalogs. I believe the catalogs were mailed out every quarter, but I could be wrong about that. I do know that I received a number of them in that first year. After I did a fair amount of research on the so called mail order bride business, I began to look at dating in the US from a different perspective.
At the turn of the century, we were still using dial up for internet services (broadband would come along soon tho). Dial up meant you got more text than you did pictures. And you never got a video…just wasn’t happening even on some of the best dial up modems. But text was good for me. It gave me details. It gave me insight to Russian culture. It gave me an understanding about the significant difference between American females and Russian females. And it gave me hope. Unfortunately, the two things it did not give me were the finances nor the time to jump on plane to Moscow or Saint Petersburg. In fact, it would be about 15 years before I was able to make the first of my many trips to Ukraine (remember…one of those “states” of Russia).
After getting divorced, I ended up in a few long term relationships over the time before I first journeyed to Ukraine. But every time I came out of one of those relationships, I would always revert back to dreaming of a beauty from Russia. I would do more research. The catalogs were replaced by websites. Pictures of the ladies were bigger, better, more of them, and some even had videos. I saw pictures and videos of guys that had actually took the plunge. It became more of everything. It became real in my mind. I still had one big problem though. I had to quit procrastinating and just jump in. But…
Yeah, there were a lot of “buts”.
In those 15 years between my divorce and my first trip, what was really keeping me from making the trip to Russia/Ukraine? There are actually a number of things that kept me in the US. I had changed my occupation in 2002 and my work based travels dropped to less than 5% per year, all domestic. For a couple of years, I was really satisfied with never seeing an airport or hotel again. I also found myself in a 2 year relationship, which for a while looked promising. But with that promise eventually broken, I vowed to myself that I would eventually make it to Russia or Ukraine. I just had to solve these problems that kept holding me back. Here is the list of what was keeping me planted in the US:
- Money – I have to admit, the price of admission seemed rather high. I know I can save, but still seemed to be a bit steep. Some planning and basic budgeting, made the financial portion much easier to deal with. Essentially, I made a number of “payments” over about a 6 to 8 month period. Part of these payments were splitting the fee to the company I was using, the purchase of the airline ticket, any preparation that I did (such as gifts, new luggage, clothing, and a new suit), and in country spending money. In the end, it is mostly a personal decision on the prices you pay and certainly a bit of financial management needed by yourself along the way.
- Time – This slapped me in the face as a simple matter of accumulating vacation time. Yes, easier said than done. Each of us has our own time issues, and I feel you don’t need a guy like me telling you how to manage your time.
- Perception – This was hands down the hardest part of the entire process. From telling your family where you are going and telling your friends why you are going – this is one of the trickiest ones to deal with. One major recommendation…don’t discuss this with Western females – it will not be pretty.
- A Russian Wife – Another of the tricky ones, but if you handle the initial perception, this should not be too bad. However, if the conversations with friends and family regarding the initial perceptions was sketchy or a bit opaque, this one will probably bite you in the butt. You will get over it, your new wife may have a different opinion though.
- Safety – If you have never travelled internationally or if you have, but not to places that the West considers “unsafe”, you will have to wrap your head around the safety issue. For me, this really wasn’t an issue after some of the places that I had previously traveled for work. However, if you are concerned about this, consider that most international destinations are safer than a good number of the neighborhoods in your own home town. Especially after some of the turmoil we have seen recently, Russia, Ukraine, and other Former Soviet Union countries, are quite safe. The main thing is that you stay away from politics, don’t do anything stupid (ie. don’t go looking for drugs or hookers), and keep to the places that your guides recommend.
- The Russian Language – Or in other words, “How am I going to talk to her? Does she speak English?” There is actually a very simple solution to this – interpreters. In the cities within Russia and Ukraine, there are many, many interpreters that are more than willing to help you with the language issue. However, you want to make sure you have an interpreter that understands what you are doing and not a medical interpreter or an engineering interpreter. And personally, I would only use the interpreter from the company you are working with. First, they will likely be cheaper than the others, and secondly, they have a vested interest in you succeeding with your search. One final word on the interpreter issue and kind of in line with the safety issue above, the lady that you are meeting will insist on using an interpreter for your first meeting regardless of her English level or your Russian level. The reason for this is her safety with a strange man from the West. Also, you should insist on using your interpreter (not one she would provide), this is for your safety. She can easily walk out of a coffee shop and disappear in her city. If you are at the mercy of an interpreter supplied by the lady, you have no idea what you may be walking into. Be safe my friends.
- I was going to need a company to help me – this wasn’t a problem…there were plenty of companies happy to help me. For a price. Just had to find the right one based on quality of service to price rationale. For my first trip to Ukraine, I went with a well-known company that was providing “tours” in Ukraine. For me and at the time, it was the ideal way to approach the process. I have to admit that while on that tour, I met some really good people; some of them were other men on the tour, others were the ladies I was able to date, and finally, the company’s staff in the country were completely top notch, and I would certainly use that company again. However, today is much different for me. I have access to better information and this industry has evolved in the past 5 years. Keep in mind evolution is both positive and negative; the Ying and Yang of life is always present and the only thing that is consistent with evolution is the lack of consistency. Because of this, I would use a much more focused approach at finding my soul mate. I would prefer a one-on-one, directed approach to finding this person. Working with someone that knows what I am specifically looking for and not shot gunning it like they have to do during the tours would be nice. Using a matchmaker, especially one proficient in the international realm, is the way to go. Having someone that is truly concerned with helping me find my lady would be nice; kind of like a combination of a personal assistant and a wing man, but with some back office support too. Hell, I’m sure it would be cheaper too.
Needless to say, I was able to work through all of these issues with some perseverance and time. Keep in mind, my solution or solutions to an issue or problem is certainly not an exact fit or fix for your situation – in fact, there are some things that I certainly would not recommend. I am providing my experiences to 1) help you understand how to work through the problem and 2) get your butt in gear working your own list down so that you can take the next step. For anyone looking for some more details, examples, and in some cases, thoughts that I was considering at each step, I am creating some additional blogs based on the bullet points above. I had tried to put it in this blog, but it would just be too much information and it was going to make this a bit of a novel. I don’t want to do that to you guys…yet.
So was it worth it? Oh hell yes, it was most certainly worth it. Was it expensive? Maybe and kind of. Expensive is always relative to each person’s situation. For me, the pricing was formidable, but it wasn’t out of reach. Would I do it all over again? Most definitely. But these questions aren’t questions for me anymore. These are questions for you. Are you ready to go? Are you ready to jump into the rabbit hole?
